As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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