We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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