You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
