party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
