I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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