went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the day after is always just damage control
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
