I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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