I'm jealous of your bromance
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
