P.S. I can't hear my feet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
