I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
