i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
