Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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