best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
