Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
