I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
