i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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