I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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