i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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