I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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