I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
