there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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