I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
