I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
