she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
