Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
