No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
