I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
