I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
