What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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