dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
