We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
