hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
