Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
