I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
