Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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