Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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