I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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