tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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