no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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