College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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