i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
