just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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