I got her a Nickelback box set.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
