Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
