My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
