dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
