i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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