I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
