i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
