if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why do cheetos always look like penises
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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