well you can't waste a boner
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
