She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
