ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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