I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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