Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
