I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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