I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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