New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
