I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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