I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
