May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
