i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
