I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die