i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.