you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.