Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist