I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices