I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
