Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
