i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
