R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
