Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
