You made me cry and you don't even care
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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