Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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